


a heart that's broke is a heart that's been loved

by slytherbyun



Series: letters to my dearest [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Death, Epistolary, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:28:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26336446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slytherbyun/pseuds/slytherbyun
Summary: It's been five years since Junhui left. This is the first time Minghao properly addresses his grief.
Relationships: Wen Jun Hui | Jun/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Series: letters to my dearest [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1916791
Comments: 10
Kudos: 32





	a heart that's broke is a heart that's been loved

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: mentions of cancer, major character death, signs of depression and bereavement, and lots and lots of crying. Please read it upon your discretion.
> 
> This work was inspired by this thread by @miracleboi_ on twitter. You can check the thread here: https://twitter.com/miracleboi_/status/1302598190068244480?s=20
> 
> For P.

_My dearest Junhui,_

_It's hard to believe it's been 5 years already._

_I’m sorry if it’s been so long since I’ve written. The first time actually in a few years that I have. Sorry, Junnie._

_How have you been? Are you having fun? Are the people there nice?_

_Somehow, it gives me great comfort knowing you’re somewhere safe and away from all the bad shit. Even though we’re apart, it makes me feel alright knowing you’re better._

_Did you know everyone’s moved back to the dorm? Mingyu kept his promise and bought the building for all of us to live in together until we turn old and gray. We live in our old rooms, by the way. We kept yours untouched; that space will always remain your space. It’s where Wen Junhui is most Junhui. I remember you lying down on the bed just playing with your phone, signalling no one can disturb you. I, being the nicest person out there on the planet, would go inside the room and mess up your game. You’d lose every single time, but you’d just hug me afterwards, and go back to playing._

_They miss you too, you know. Wonwoo dedicates each and every game he plays to you, even if it’s just the classic mode. The kids miss your random jokes and your crazy antics. Jihoon misses your melodious voice and mastery on the piano. Joshua particularly misses making fun of you because he was the only one who could get away with it._

_Nothing was the same since you left, Jun._

_All the members found it difficult to go on without you. Once, we even considered just disbanding entirely--Seventeen won’t be Seventeen without one of us. But then Seungcheol spoke up. He said that even when you’re gone, you wouldn’t let us disband because of you. You’d want us to go on. Frankly, I had no will to go on and still perform, but Seungcheol was right. You’d have our heads if we quit. You’d pull us by the ear and give us the longest sermon known to man. That’s how much you loved performing--you would want us to continue even when you can’t. That’s you, Wen Junhui. You’re one burst of a fireball._

_I can’t help but feel sad that it’s been five years since I last saw you. I never really was able to prepare for you leaving, no matter how many months we’ve known that you’d be going. You know what they say, right? Acceptance is the hardest step. How could I accept the fact that the most important person in my life was going to leave me sometime soon? It wasn’t fair--not at all. It wasn’t fair for me that you would be leaving without warning. That one day, I would just wake up and not see you in your room. That I would not be able to hear you playing the piano in the wee hours of the morning. That I won’t be able to choreograph another number with you. That I won’t be able to see you sleep with your eyes open. That another day will come and you won’t be there._

_Do you remember the night before you left?_

_We were lying down on your bed, you spooning me. It felt everything was just right in the world. It felt nice--just you and I._

_“Do you think about the future?” I remember you asking me that._

_I shook my head, not wanting to let you know that I stopped thinking of a future after you said you were leaving._

_“You’re no fun,” you just hugged me tighter. “No matter what, you should think about the future. You’ll still go on this path you’ve decided on. Give it your one hundred percent, Hao.”_

_I just ignored you, and let myself be hugged tighter. “All I want is a future with you.”_

_You then pulled me to face you, our noses almost touching. I felt your warm breath on my face, and you cracked a smile. I willed myself to not cry because I didn’t want you to cry either. I’d never hear the end of it if you saw me cry._

_“I’ll always be here, Hao,” you said softly. “No matter where you are, no matter who you want to be, I will always be here. I love you too much to leave you.”_

_You kissed my forehead, then pulled me closer. I slept in your embrace that night, and it was one of the most peaceful moments I’ve experienced in my entire life._

_That’s why it hurt so much when you never woke up the next day._

_You succumbed to the cancer. Months of fighting, months of treatment, they weren’t enough. But you...you fought it, Jun. You did what you could, and accepted when there wasn’t anything you could do anymore. Yet even so, you fought to keep waking up every day. You fought for yourself, for your family, for the members, for me._

_You are the strongest person I’ve ever met, Wen Junhui._

_You made us promise to come see you here in Shenzhen every year on your death anniversary. Every year, all twelve of us come here, but we only made this year special because it’s the fifth year since. You made us promise to write you letters about how we are, and that we read them to you out loud when we’d come here. I’m sorry that I’ve only done it this year, Jun._

_I know you’d like an update on how I am, so here goes._

_I’m still part of Seventeen. The group never disbanded. Of course, members enlisted, but they’re all okay. Jihoon still makes amazing music that reminds us of you. Joshua would still sometimes imitate you just to remind us of you. Wonwoo taught me how to play the game you loved so much._

_I still dance, and I’m still choreographing. Though nothing will come close to My I in my heart._

_Wrote you a letter now that I'm here without you. I know it took me so long, Jun. I'm sorry. But now, all I’m hoping for is that you’re doing okay up there, running with the angels, dancing as if you were still dancing with me. We’re okay down here. Please continue to watch over us and to guide us. Everything we do, we do with you in mind._

_I’ll see you soon._

_With all my love,_

_Minghao_

  
  


Minghao folded the letter, and left it on top of Junhui’s gravestone. After five years, he finally allowed himself to grieve over the loss of the love of his life properly. As soon as the letter hit the cement, Minghao’s buckled, and the waterworks started.

Soonyoung rushed forward to hug his brother, Hao holding on to him for dear life. The other members couldn’t bear to see this, especially the younger ones--Seungkwan, Vernon, and Chan. Seungcheol couldn’t hold his tears in much longer, either, earning a hug from Jeonghan and Joshua. Wonwoo just held Mingyu’s hand, trying to keep himself together.

Losing people you love will never be an easy experience, Minghao knows. But for the first time in five years, he can finally breathe. He can finally let go of the grief. He can finally live his life, knowing that he loved, and he was loved in return.

Even if the future wasn’t the one Minghao had in mind, it was one he had to face on his own.

_No. Not on his own._

He had his members with him.

All twelve of them.

**Author's Note:**

> This was the hardest one for me to write--literally shed tears for this.


End file.
